


Torn

by ShadowSelene (Shadowdianne)



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-04 22:27:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14603052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowdianne/pseuds/ShadowSelene
Summary: waknatious asked for this prompt a few days ago;"How about a ficlet starting with this sentence?: “I can’t say I’m surprised by this.”"“I was the one who decided to marry him.”And that was true, Emma thought. She had been the one saying yes, she had been the one who had convinced herself that content was equal to happiness. She had been the one who had transformed Hook into a dark one when she had thought that, without him, the construct, the idea she had built around her would crumble. She had been the one who had carried her family to hell just because she felt guilty of such decision. She had been the one who had chosen again and again no matter the many times she halted and doubted, the title of savior heavier and heavier on her shoulders, the title of princess just as stifling. She had done that.





	Torn

“I can’t say I’m surprised by this.”

 

Emma rose her head, blinking owlishly at her mother as the woman casted a small, sad smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. The coffee table between them and two cooling coffees on it, Emma glanced at the knots the old table surface showed, not quite sure that she had heard right.

“You… aren’t?”

The ring was also between them, the awful ring that now Emma glanced at, her fingers drumming on the table a toneless tune that halted the moment Snow shook her head and reached for her, her own fingers a refreshing cold on the blonde’s flushed skin.

She had been nervous, she still was and the conversation she had just had with her mother was still ringing on her ears; the mix of tired but no less truthful accusations, realizations and admissions a vortex Emma felt that was leaving her breathless. She hadn’t known what Snow’s reaction was going to be but comprehension hadn’t been one thing she had thought about.

Sighing, the brunette woman glanced at the ring as well, its gleam a few inches of their hands.

“I wondered.” She began, the smile still on her face. “I asked myself if we were doing the right thing; if we weren’t just pushing you into a place that you didn’t want to be. I talked with your father about it but I never considered talking to you.”

Emma frowned but Snow kept talking, softer this time.

“I’m sorry for that, Emma. When I first met you, you were so… full of energy, of life. I thought that family, my idea of family, would keep you happy. I never considered…”

“I was the one who decided to marry him.”

And that was true, Emma thought. She had been the one saying yes, she had been the one who had convinced herself that content was equal to happiness. She had been the one who had transformed Hook into a dark one when she had thought that, without him, the construct, the idea she had built around her would crumble. She had been the one who had carried her family to hell just because she felt guilty of such decision. She had been the one who had chosen again and again no matter the many times she halted and doubted, the title of savior heavier and heavier on her shoulders, the title of princess just as stifling. She had done that.

Yet, she had wondered just as many times what could have happened if she had been born with the potential of both good and evil as she had been prophesied. If she had had the ability and freedom to choose instead of being stuck on a destiny she hadn’t even known was hers to fulfil. She had wondered what would happen if she turned and admitted she didn’t want to be that savior, that princess, that woman who everyone thought she needed to be; that she wanted to be.

The ring glowed again, an ominous presence Emma felt dizzy for as she glanced at it, returning quickly to her mother’s eyes who were now glazed and full of regret.

“I was the one who kept talking about true love as if it was something you wouldn’t be happy without.” It was a quiet admission, one that felt almost as if something Snow was telling to herself instead than to Emma. “I was the one who said again and again that a happy ending was a goal you needed to fulfil.”

“Mom…” The epithet burned her lips and, for a second, nothing on the room moved, Emma’s voice looming between them.

“Your father told me the day of the wedding that he had always thought that something would happen between you and Regina.”

Emma almost yanked her hand out of her mother’s reach, the brunette’s name an open wound everyone around her knew that she tried her hardest to avoid.

She shouldn’t have crossed the portal. The thought had appeared the moment she had turned to look as it closed, Regina’s magic disappearing behind it alongside with Henry’s face. She should have stayed with them. She should have…

The thoughts had eaten her up until the walls she had created between herself and her emotions had crumbled. The cracks had ultimately reached beyond that, the roots she had tried to create for her marriage not strong enough to support the rubble.

At the end, she thought, being her the one with a mirthless smile now, everything had been destroyed.

And yet, she had felt lighter.

“I should have gone with them.”

It was the first time she said it outload, not only on her mind, whenever she pretended that the thought was a fleeting thing that wasn’t really there. It slipped past her lips unbidden and yet, despite the tension, she felt freer as well.

“When you called us, and told us that Regina was… gone.” Snow sighed again; she hadn’t said it but Emma had felt the surprise on her voice when she had called her with trembling fingers and the first of many more bursts of magic lighting up her skin in a myriad of sparkles. “I wondered again about what David told me that day. You seemed so… hurt that I couldn’t make myself ask you about it. I didn’t really know if I was even allowed to. Ever since Henry left you two…”

“It was hard.”

Which was an understatement. It had been hard but for Regina’s it had been even harder. And Emma, at the end, hadn’t really been there for her, afraid of her feelings, of her twitching fingers and longing she could feel whenever she was close to the brunette.

“We can try to find them.”

This time she did yank her hand. She had thought about it; on trying some kind of spell, anything really so she could locate them. She wasn’t a sorceress however, Regina was and she had been too much of a chicken to go the vault. Not without the brunette in town. Expressionless, she went back to what she had wanted to say the very same second Snow had opened the door, the warmth of her greeting dying as she saw the clouds on her daughter’s face.

“Hook will be gone by tomorrow. He told me that without me to keep him here he preferred to see if the Jolly Roger could still float.”

Snow nodded but said nothing, reaching for Emma’s hand once more and giving her one tentative squeeze.

“You won’t be alone. You can come here and spend some days with us if you want.”

Emma felt a knot on her throat, tears building up on her eyes.

“Thank you.” She croaked out, clearing her throat and smiling at her mother before letting one heavy sigh part her lips. She didn’t want to cry; not right now. “I miss her.”

She hadn’t wanted to say it; the thought a secret she didn’t even let herself think about. Snow squeezed her hand a second time and this time, when she spoke, Emma felt herself break, a sob bubbling out of her, unstoppable.

“We will find her, Emma. If that’s what you want.”

And oh, she did want it.


End file.
